Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
