think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
