everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Sorry my hands just texted you
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
