I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
