Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
