On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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