I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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