i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She announced her abortion via fbk
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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