Whats the glycemic index on semen?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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