My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
