Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
