you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
