Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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