dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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