I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize