I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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