I can text with my tongue
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
