Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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