you guys were way drunker than both of me
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
