my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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