I like my sex mixed with concussions.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
