I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
