I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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