he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
