We're like a lot better than the average bears
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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