Joe is yelling at the trees again.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
