You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
