i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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