I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
