She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
