kristin has been a bad kristin
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
