Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
