I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
