While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
