Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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