I just cut my nipple shaving
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
