First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
