I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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