just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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