Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
