what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
This house was built for laser tag.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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