My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
