wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
