I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
