is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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