You're completely useless in the revolution.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
There's a naked man in my car right now.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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