I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
