He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
