ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
