I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
