girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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