There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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