when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
