i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
