she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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