Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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