I just cut my nipple shaving
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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